Twenty-six
by stonedkanda
Summary: AU. All Kanda wants is some sleep, but some idiot neighbour has to be loud all night... LaviYuu
1. Chapter 1

All he wanted was some peace and fucking quiet. Actually, it was more than a want, but a vital requirement for his very existence. He was tired; he had had a long day, and tomorrow was his day off. What he _required_ was to sleep for as many hours as possible the following day, maybe get some kendo practice in to diffuse his nerves, and order some take-away. After all, he deserved some rest after a month without a day off whilst doing overtime _and_ dealing with fucking morons at a minimum wage shitshow of a job. That wasn't too much to ask for, was it? He didn't think so, and he'd be damned if he was going to be deprived of a well earned sleep because some shithead had to have karaoke night _on a fucking Tuesday._

However, this could all be considered his own fault since it _was_ his decision to take on a double shift thus rendering him completely incapable of returning home at such time before the _obnoxious antics_ broke out. He would remember to apologise to the world, to himself, and to the jackass across the hall that was going to be dead within the hour.

"Fuck!" Kanda Yuu, a twenty-four year old sales associate at Whateverthefuck Departmentstore (he was just biding his time until his _pointless_ diploma could be put to use, promise), threw his blankets off in a huff, flinging his cat, Mugen, across the room. He swung his legs over the side of the bed and gripped the edge of the mattress with white knuckles, gritting his teeth while trying to find the right words to say to his fucking insufferable neighbour. _I'm going to fucking kill him_.

Infuriated with the screeching vocals and nauseating giggling, as well as heavy bass music pulsing through his walls – and throbbing skull, – Kanda stomped through his room, grabbing his glasses on the way out. Grumbling about various murder methods, he stepped out of his flat and in to the desolate hallway.

"Hey, you! Open up your fucking door, jackass!" Kanda slammed his fist against the door to apartment twenty-six, red paint chipping off and sticking to his hand. He wasn't entirely expecting a response since this isn't the first time the delinquent had a late night gathering. Although, he was usually passed out before the blaring music and shenanigans ever began. _I'm going to kick down the fucking door if he doesn't answer._

The horrendous singing stopped abruptly and murmuring could be heard… although vaguely since the damn music was still blasting. The chain slide was removed and a pale, well built, handsome redheaded man opened the door.

"Hu-"

"Fuck you! Stop fucking singing at fu-"

"Whoa, calm down there. Please don't shout in the hall; you'll wake someone up." The man widened his eye, opened his door, and motioned for Kanda to come inside to talk since it was quite late. _No fucking shit it's fucking late, asshole._

"Fucking…" Kanda dragged himself in to what looked to be a full-blown party, red solo cups thrown about, mass quantities of liquor on a small coffee table in the centre of the room. A younger boy and girl sat on the rather clean couch, still giggling and chatting away, oblivious to the two older guys talking.

"Nice tattoo. You want a drink?" "Wha- No. Fuck. That's," Kanda groaned, "Will you fucking turn off this god-awful fucking music for five fucking seconds?!" He rubbed his temples with his free hand as the other man moseyed over to his stereo system and lowered the music _slightly._ Yet another groan escaped Kanda's mouth in response.

"So…what can I do for you, neigh-"

"I want you to fucking turn off your shitty fucking music and stop fucking singing so goddamn fucking loud _across from my fucking room at two in the goddamn morning_!"

The other man stepped back, hands in up for surrender. "Hey, yo, I didn't kno-"

The two on the couch were now paying attention to the scene in front of them. The Japanese man had the redhead by the collar and seemed to be snarling at the other. "I've had a long fucking day and the only reason I'm not telling the landlord is-"

"He's a useless piece of shit who don't do nothin' for nobody. You're telling me." The other rolled his eyes as Kanda violently let go of his collar. With a scowl and a hiss, Kanda turned his heels and walked out of the apartment.

He _snarled_ at the neighbour! How animalistic and _base_ of him. Kanda swore he'd never do something so inhuman again. Though, he might not be able to hold himself back if that jackass pulled a stunt like this again.

Now fully exhausted, Kanda went in to his pocket for his key and… Shit, where'd his key go? Well, this was going to be the worst night of his life for a few very obvious reasons. He had two options, well, three, but one: go back to the jackass's room and ask to spend the night and deal with everything tomorrow, or sleep in the chilly hallway, or attempt to wake the landlord. Well, wait, no, he couldn't wake the landlord without his cell phone, which was coincidentally inside his locked apartment. _Well fuck me sideways with a rusty spork._ _I'm _not_ going back in to that apartment._

* * *

><p>There was a reason he was knocking on door number twenty-six at three-thirty in the morning, and it was a very good one. Kanda had tried sleeping outside of his flat, really, but his doorframe wasn't a great makeshift pillow (who the fuck was he kidding?), so about forty minutes in a chill spread throughout his body; since then he couldn't get warm enough to fall asleep. That was his reason for knocking on the douchebag's door even later than that guy was ever awake. Though, he couldn't be entirely sure since no one actually left the flat since he'd been in the hallway, but no music was playing. <em>Well at least he fucking listened…<em>

After a number of times knocking, Kanda was about to give up and try sleeping against his doorframe again when the chain lock slid apart and the door creaked open once more. A heavy yawn escaped the now boxer-clad man, who leaned against his doorframe, messy hair covering one eye. He smiled lazily.

"Hm?"

"I-" _Oh god put on some clothes before you answer the damn door. _Kanda couldn't help but look at the other man's turned away, face flush.

"Is there a reason you woke me up?"

"I, fuck," Kanda pointed past the redhead to the now vacant couch, "that."

The other man craned his neck, jabbing his thumb behind him. "My couch?" He raised an eyebrow. "Why?"

_Don't make me fucking say it you cocksucker. _"I fucking locked myself out of my fucking room, okay? Can I use it or not?"

The other shrugged and moved aside. "Sure. Wait," he closed the door behind Kanda, "have you been outside this whole time?"

Kanda sat down on the couch and crossed his arms. He was in less of a mood to talk than he was before, which was negligible the first time. "Shut up. Whatever." He began to lean towards the arm of the couch, preparing himself to sleep when the other man tapped his shoulder and smiled.

"It's a pull-out. I think you might like that better. I can also get you a pillow and blanket."

"Fine." Kanda begrudgingly removed himself from the couch, dragging his feet and almost tripping over an empty bottle of vodka. "Fucking clean up your shit, asshole."

A slight chuckle came from the direction of the other, "Sorry. So," he began to move the coffee table to make room for the pull-out, "what's your name, neighbour?"

Kanda just grumbled and crossed his arms. It's not as if that actually mattered since he was never going to talk to this guy ever again. He let his eyes wander around the dark room, the only light coming from a cracked door to the back left of the space. It was probably the redhead's room. Somehow thinking about bedrooms made him realise he desperately needed to use a toilet. He began walking towards the other end of the flat, when the other grabbed his wrist.

"Hey, you _are_ in my apartment, you know. At least some common decency of a name, yeah?" He turned Kanda around, a dark look over his face - which quickly turned to a smile - and, "I'm Lavi."

"Kanda. Gotta piss," he stated flatly. He pulled himself from Lavi's grip, and continued towards the back of the dark room, noticing a hand pouting at a door in the back left. Kanda entered the decently sized bathroom, flipped the switch on and relieved himself. Lavi was finishing pulling the couch at when he came out. The light from the bathroom illuminated more of the room and Kanda spotted a rather large bookshelf in the direction of where he was walking earlier. _I nearly slammed in to a bookshelf…great._

Lavi left the room briefly, returning with a blanket and two pillows. Kanda was cleaning his glasses when the other man cleared his throat and gestured towards the bed. Of course, being as blind as he was, Kanda only saw darkness and maybe the faint blob of a human being doing _something_ in the distance. Once he put his glasses back on, he manoeuvred his way towards the bed, watching the floor the whole way as to not trip over the various bottles. "Fucking ridiculous," he mumbled to himself.

"Huh?" A light came on from somewhere to Kanda's left as well as the sound of glasses clinking. He glanced up to see Lavi in his kitchen, back to him and walking towards the other counter. His eyes strayed a tad downwards, though he immediately cast his gaze back to the floor. However, it wasn't fast enough since he rammed his shin against the metal frame of the bed.

"Fucking goddammit motherfucker," he swore a bit louder than anticipated. He leaned down to rub his leg as Lavi came back out of the kitchen and whistled. Kanda nearly snapped his neck looking over at the other. "What?"

Lavi was leaning his shoulder against the kitchen doorjamb, legs crossed at the ankle with a smirk upon his face. "'s nothin'," he murmured, taking a sip from the glass of water in his hand.

Kanda sneered in response. He removed his glasses and sat on the edge of the bed before sighing.

"Want water or something?" Lavi asked.

"No," Kanda said as he placed his glasses slightly beneath the bed so they wouldn't get stepped on later. He pulled his legs up and reached behind him for the obnoxiously orange pillow. He placed it behind him and grabbed the blanket. As he was unfolding it he realised that the other man was still standing in the doorway, watching him.

"What the fuck?" Kanda asked, just a bit perturbed that this stranger was still there.

"S-sorry, I zoned out. Uh," Lavi answered a tad flustered and quickly shut off the lights. He sped off to his own room, mumbling a "night" as he passed by.

Confused but not really caring, Kanda shrugged it off and fell against the pillow in a heap of exhaustion and annoyance. Within minutes he was in a dreamless sleep.

* * *

><p><em>AN: Well, I haven't really written anything outside of essays in years, so please critique this or give me suggestions. :)_


	2. Chapter 2

"That's what I'm saying!" a rather annoying British accent giggled in the direction of wherever the fuck wasn't near Kanda. More laughter came from a female host in a similar direction. The sounds of sizzling and flipping could also be heard, as well as the scent of coffee - something Kanda detested.

"Oh, but did you see Krory's _face_?" the female voice exclaimed in a girlish squeal that made Kanda's stomach lurch. It was way too early for this shit, whatever time it was.

Kanda rolled over and groaned, covering his eyes with his arm. He had to ask someone for their cell phone or if they could break in to his room or something, which was something he really, _really_ didn't feel like doing. Choosing to deny his situation all together, he rolled on to his stomach and covered his head with the pillow. _Fucking Christ._

_ Oh great, _now _what?_ There was a commotion in the kitchen since Kanda heard the female voice shout, "Allen no!" Then it occurred to him that the fire alarm was blaring. _Really? Fucking fantastic here we go. _He threw the pillow off and sat up, pulling his hand down his face in exasperation. He let go a sigh as the burning smell entered the room. Calmly, he reached under the bed for his glasses. He put them on. Then, without a second thought, he rushed in to the kitchen, turned on the tap, grabbed the pan off the stove, — which was still on fire with whatever the fuck was in it — and, "For fucks sake people are _trying to get some goddamn sleep_."

However, his efforts managed to make everything about one hundred times worse since he obviously failed to notice that there was _more_ fire now.

"You fucking moron!" the British one screamed as he tried to open the cabinet underneath the now flaming sink. The girl ran out of the kitchen.

Honestly, Kanda was more surprised he didn't light himself on fire than anything. "Well, how the fuck was I supposed to know it was a grease fire?! It's all _your_ fault anyway! If you hadn't woken me up-"

During the time it took Kanda to blame the British kid (who had oddly white hair), the fire had successfully been extinguished. "_My_ fault? For what? Are you seriously mental? Just who the hell _are_ you?" He turned round to face Kanda, extinguisher still in hand.

"I told you, _bean sprout,_ if you _didn__'__t wake me up and burn your shitty food_," Kanda had the white-haired kid by the collar, ready to throw him out of the window.

"Hey, whoa, what the fuck happened?" coughed a now — unfortunately — familiar voice. Lavi's jaw was slacked in utter disbelief that part of his kitchen had been scorched and that two idiots were now arguing about it.

Two hands pulled Kanda and the bean sprout apart by their necks. "You two. Out. Now," the female commanded, pointing towards the living room. She shook her head in exasperation, and opened the kitchen windows. Lavi walked between the group towards the sink, muttering something about a panda and his own death. The other three watched as he caressed the wall and ranted under his breath about how he totally wanted to get his security deposit back, but that seriously wasn't going to happen now. Then there was silence; a feeling of murderous intent radiated from him.

"Out!" The girl commanded once more, this time shoving the boys in to the living room.

"Fuck!" A decently loud _thud_ came from the kitchen, followed by, "God dammit."

Kanda crossed his arms and adamantly stared at the corner of the room, almost praying to get the fuck away from these psychos. This just _had_ to be his one-day off. Was it really too much to ask for a quiet day off? Really? The bleating of the fire alarm wasn't helping much, either.

"Lavi…?" The female voice asked. Kanda was determined to ignore everyone, but they were just so damn loud.

"…Yeah…?" Came a response from the kitchen.

"Did you just…."

"…Maybe…" There was shuffling in the kitchen followed by more swearing. Suddenly, the alarm was muted.

"Oh boy…" The female placed her hands on her hips and shook her head yet again. She shifted her gaze to see a quizzical look from the white-haired boy. "He punched a hole through the wall again."

"_Again?_" both Kanda and the British one asked in unison. Instantly perturbed by this, Kanda looked back towards the corner and the Brit looked in the opposite direction.

"So…" said that unfortunately familiar voice, "why the actual fuck is my wall charred?"

_This is so not my fault. I swear if that damn _moyashi_ didn__'__t set off the-_

"He did it," accused the Brit.

Almost giving himself whiplash, Kanda faced the group, seething. "No! You lit your fucking food on fire and woke me up!"

"Oh, poor you. You threw the pan in _water_!" The Brit was flailing his arms about like a damn fish. Something about this kid was seriously irritating to Kanda and he couldn't really figure out what it was. _Probably the fact he fucking woke me up__…__and why the fuck is he wearing gloves? Who _does_ that?_

"You failed to fix your own damn mistake fast enough!" Kanda barely noticed that he and the white-haired boy were stepping towards each other with each remark.

"You ruined perfectly edible food by torching the damn kitchen!" _Perfectly ed- What drugs is this kid on?_ Kanda could smell the hangover-breath as the kid shouted at him.

"That never would have happened if you weren't a goddamn moyashi!" It was rare that Kanda ever spoke Japanese, however, his multilingual capabilities shined when he was furious.

"That doesn't even make sense!" The boy threw his arms up in exasperation.

"Stop," shouted the female voice, "not today! I'm hung-over, the kitchen was just on fire, and Lavi punched a hole in a wall due to a mental breakdown. Just…" she sighed, "explain what the fuck happened."

Both Kanda and the Brit started with something along the lines of, "Well, it weren't for _this fucking moron_," but Lavi cut them both off at the start and demanded that it was one at a time. The Brit got to go first on account that Lavi knew him longer.

Due to the maturity of the group gathered that morning, the white-haired boy stuck his tongue out at the Japanese man before beginning his excuse. "Well first, I was minding my own business-"

"Bullshit," Kanda "coughed" rather loudly.

"I _was,__"_moaned the Brit, rather pitifully Kanda thought. _Yeah, and what happened when you were _minding your own business? _Obviously nothing productive._

"Well, I was just sautéing my hash and scrapple when all of the sudden this schmuck grabbed my pan," he faced Kanda who give him a scowl in return, "and threw it in to water, which exploded all over your kitchen."

"I take exception to this!" Kanda yelled out. "His pan was on fucking fire, and I threw it in to water to _kill the flame._" Honestly this was such bullshit Kanda wanted to walk out, yet he found himself trying to defend his actions. It's not like he really cared at all, right?  
>"Yeah? And what 'happened to the flame,'" asked that oh-so-obnoxious moyashi.<p>

"Okay, so it exploded, but that's all _your_ fault for fucking burning your goddamn food!" He wasn't even entirely sure why he had to go through this trial by fire, but he sure wasn't as hell going to stay any longer. "You know what? Whatever. I'm out," he turned swiftly and made his way towards the exit. Though, it dawned on him two decent strides towards the door that he was basically stuck in this apartment until he could get in to his own.

"Oh yeah," the female voice asked, "Who is this guy?"

The unfortunately familiar voiced answered with a sigh, "My neighbour. He got locked out and asked to stay the night."

Due to the fact he literally couldn't go anywhere but the hallway, Kanda stopped after two more steps and braced himself for more social interaction. _Fuck all of you very much._

"Since both of your stupidity fucked up my kitchen, _both_ of you are going to pay for it. However, Kanda get's most of the blame and he's closer so he gets to help me re-paint the wall," Lavi demanded.

"Go fuck yourself," Kanda spat, "deal with your own shit." If only he had a way to get in to his apartment. Well, he _could_ go to the other neighbours…

Before he could make a move towards the door, "That's cute, and I'm sure you're thinking of ways to leave, but you're not going to until you at least agree to pay for the damages along with Allen."

The white-haired boy, Alphonse, sighed and submitted to the demand. Kanda, however, was not the type to take demands from others (unless being paid for his services), so he continued his journey towards the exit. Once more, though, his wrist was grabbed.

"I'm not fucking around," Lavi's good hand gripped tighter. Kanda turned to face the animosity-filled man with little-to-no-seriousness. "It's your fault, so take fucking responsibility for your damn mistakes. What are you, three? My hand is probably broken so I literally _will need help with this_."

_Fucking__…_ He ripped his wrist from Lavi's clutches. Without another choice in the matter, Kanda conceded. With this, the redhead left the room. Kanda felt as if all eyes were on him — they were — but the feeling was worse than any other embarrassment he'd felt before. _This fucking sucks and I__'__d seriously love to blow this popsicle stand._

Suddenly a cell phone was in Kanda's hands and he was told to call whomever and get the fuck out and leave before he and "Allen" died. He sneered in response, dialled 4-1-1, and asked for whatever locksmith was local. Once he had secured someone, he threw the phone at Lavi who was cradling his still-bleeding hand in a towel. Kanda then promptly left the premises, not wanting to spend another infernal minute with this bunch of fucking freaks.

* * *

><p>Obviously this was not how Kanda wanted to spend his morning. It was hot for October and the hallway wasn't getting any colder. That little piss-ant on the phone said he'd be there in fifteen to twenty minutes, and it had already been about fifteen; Kanda was getting ready to lob off his left nut. <em>How long is this fucker going to take?<em>

He had been waiting outside his flat for what seemed like an eternity when – finally – the jingling of keys ascended the stairs. Kanda turned his head to see a curly haired man in his early 30s grinning from ear to ear. _Why the fuck is he so happy? Who the fuck is happy this early in the day?_ He could only assume that this was the locksmith considering the toolkit and the nametag with a company logo.

"Hi, you m-" the man started, holding out his free hand.

"No, you cannot fucking drive!" shouted a different familiar voice from the opposite flat. _Fucking perfection._ The girl from earlier was now fully clothed and waving a pair of keys in the air. The white-haired weirdo followed, and lastly the unfortunately familiar one locked the door behind him.

"Johnny?!" the three screeched in unison. _Oh fucking wonderful. They _know_ this loser? Great; even better._

"Oh, hey guys!" This Jimmy person put down his toolkit and began to converse with the others.

Meanwhile, Kanda was slamming the back of his head on to his door. It was going to be an excruciatingly long day. How was he supposed to combat this arduous trial? Practicing kendo? Maybe, but that required driving a distance and if there was even the slightest chance he might pass this bunch of rejects, he would rather not. Sleeping? Probably, but he was too annoyed to even contemplate the idea of rest, which was unfortunate. _Oh, I kn-_

"-but I'll tell Tap you said 'hi,'" responded Jerry. "Oh, what happened to your hand?"

_ "__Your client_," Lavi sneered, pointing towards Kanda.

Kanda's response was the middle finger and a glare. "It was your own fucking dumb ass that punched your shitty fucking wall, asshole," he grumbled. _Fucking blaming me for his own dumb ass._

Lavi gave Kanda a tight smile and returned to his conversation with Jeremy. "Well, I'm off to the ER, so I'll text you some time." He waved, then turned and walked away. The girl gave Joey a hug and ran off towards Lavi, yelling about how he really isn't going to drive and she wasn't kidding. Finally, the British one followed suit.

"Ex_cuse_ me?" Kanda spat. "Unlock my fucking door; I'm not paying you to see your damn friends, asshat." He motioned to his still-locked door.

"Oh, uh," the locksmith laughed nervously, "sorry." He reached in to his back pocket and pulled out a credit card, of all things.

"Fucking better be or your next job description is 'battering ram,' got it?" Kanda moved aside so that Jeremiah could do whatever it was he was going to do.

The scrawny man coughed and nodded, sliding the card in to the doorjamb. He fiddled with the knob and pushed the door open, proudly smiling and showing off his handiwork.

"_You have got to be fucking shitting me right now,_" Kanda gaped. "I could have fucking done that this whole fucking time?!" He was too shocked to even punch this asshole in the face. The worst part was that he was now obligated to pay the little shit for using a damn credit card to unlock his door.

"You live in an older building and the deadbolt wasn't locked… newer models aren't as simple, but-"

Before the man could finish his piece, Kanda rushed in to his flat. He sped towards the kitchen, grabbed his wallet and went back to the front door. "Fucking here," he said and threw the cash amount at the locksmith and slammed his door.

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><p><em>AN: Thank you to those who commented, followed, and favourited!_

_And thank you for taking time out of your lives to read this :)_

_P.S. Sorry for the delay orz_


	3. Chapter 3

_Everything's always useless fucking ads or bills_. Kanda slammed his mailbox closed and feigned a smile, trudging up the stairs. The fact that the temperature was above average for October didn't help, nor did the insufferable idiots he had to deal with during work. He pushed his glasses back on to his face. "Who the fuck actually cares about a vase that much?" he muttered. Only when his aggravation hit a certain level did he begin mumbling to himself.

There he was, this unfortunate drudge forced to work at the Customer Service Centre. If it were any other day he wouldn't have been placed there; his manager knew better than to let him talk to people. However, someone called out for whatever reason and he was placed there for the day. _I hope our sales go down and they have to fire me. Wait, no I take that back. Fire that asshole that's never fucking here. I'm always fucking here. Goddammit._

Usually the Customer Service Centre is abandoned sans for a few fretting mothers with coupons or returns for godawful flower arrangements. That just wasn't the case when Kanda was put there, of fucking course. The majority of the day was mind-numbingly boring; he only had to refund a few people on sweat-shop made Halloween decorations or give them gift cards for their inconvenience. He figured his day was going to be rather uneventful, at least, that was until this utter fuckwad walked in.

"Excuse me," he breathed, "but I have this vase with me, it's in my car, and-"

"We don't do vases, sir," Kanda stated flatly.

"I have a receipt; I definitely bought it from your store," the blond man with a Chaplin-mustache exhaled. He leaned closer to Kanda, warm acetone and rotting egg permeated the gap between them. Kanda scrunched his nose and veered backwards.

"Then go get the damn receipt. Read the sign, grandpa," he gestured behind him.

"Show some respect to paying customers," the man hissed, narrowing his eyes. He stood up straight and brushed the waist of his jacket. "Where is your manager?"

This guy was seriously starting to get on Kanda's every nerve. He gritted his teeth. "I'll go get him." _I'm not paid enough for this._

* * *

><p>As if to add insult to injury, Kanda couldn't even walk in to his flat without his neighbour tainting things. Taped to his door — like something a college student would do — was a piece of lined paper with the edge still attached. There were words on it in bad handwriting, but without actually reading it, Kanda ripped it off and tossed it behind him. He impatiently opened his door, then promptly slammed it behind him. Mugen, his cat, greeted him with a meow and a trail of muddy paw prints. <em>Fucking really she used my goddamn plants as a litter box again?<em>

Kanda tossed his messenger bag and coat in to his room. He began to unbutton his shirt as he kicked off his shoes. With a sigh, he removed his glasses and put them on the bar counter. He walked around the counter to reach his refrigerator. _I was going to save this but today was shit so why not?_ On the drive home, he made plans to relax with a bottle of sake, a plate of soba and maybe some crappy day-time drama rerun. He knocked back the first glass of alcohol as if he were taking a shot. He winced as it burned his throat, "Fuck."

It was too quiet in his flat. Kanda ambled in to his living room, opened his laptop and waited for it to wake up. He assumed his music player was still running, so he hit the play button. Soft music piped through the speakers. Satisfied, he returned to his kitchen. He went through his cabinets to grab the noodles and a pot. Once the water began to boil and the noodles were cooking, he leaned against his counter and started on his second glass of sake. _Maybe I can goddamn relax now. Shit._

Suddenly heavy _thuds_ emanated from down the hall. "You! Hey, you!" The muffled unfortunately familiar voice called. Kanda's eyes grew wide and he spit out some of his sake. _Oh fuck no_. _How the hell does he know my first name?!_ Without skipping a beat, he abandoned his soon to boil-over noodles and rushed down the hall. He undid his locks and slammed the door open. "What?!"

A body was on him. Kanda shoved his neighbour away, sputtering the whole time. "Go the fuck away," he eventually shouted.

Before Kanda could shut the door in the neighbour's face, a hand was flying towards him. He flinched, but the hand held the door open instead. "Wait! Wait - hold on!"

Kanda fought the force the other man employed to try to shut his door. It was to no avail. "God, fucking what?"

"You said you'd help me fix my wall!" The man looked at him through one eye as Kanda only just now noticed the eyepatch over the other. The eyepatch person waved their right arm which was wrapped in a cast.

"Uh, no," Kanda tittered, "I said I'd give you money. Now fu-"

"Oh what smells good?" Eyepatch brushed passed him.

Kanda was completely taken aback. _He just fucking walked in my goddamn flat who the fuck does he think he is? He didn't even take off his fucking shoes. I'm going to strangle him. _He slowly turned around, absolute rage welling up inside him.

The eyepatch fool was looking around the flat with an air of pure bewilderment. He leaned over the counter and peered in to the kitchen, then turned on his heel and observed the living room. "Wow, our places are totally different looking," remarked the eyepatch-with-a-death-wish.

"Take off your fucking shoes when- actually, get out!" Kanda strode down the hallway, ready to grab the nearest object as a weapon.

Instead of looking threatened, the cyclops jabbed his thumb towards the kitchen and bent down to look at Kanda's laptop. "Your water is boiling over."

He stopped dead in his tracks. "Oh fuck, my soba!" Kanda nearly face planted as he scrambled to the stove. He shut the heat of, cursing quite loudly. _Son of a fucking bitch my dinner is fucking ruined because this shitstain had to show up._ He rummaged for a colander and a bowl, tossing them in to the sink and grabbed his pot. It was obviously too hot to handle, but he moved quick enough as to not completely burn himself. _This is a goddamn mess._

"Can I try some?" the unfortunately familiar voice chimed.

Kanda whipped his head upwards to see a smile and green eye. The eyepatch creep was leaning on the counter, chin in hand, completely satisfied with the near heart attack Kanda almost had. He scowled. "No- fuck. Get out of my flat." He shook his head. Somehow, his failing noodle dish was more important than this stranger clogging up his space. _I'm going to need more than this bottle of sake._ He finished cooling the noodles, then turned round to the counter behind him and grabbed his zaru. As he began plating, it dawned on him that he totally forgot to make the tsuyu. A groan forced its way out of his mouth.

"You're seriously blind as shit," said that unfortunately familiar voice. Once more, Kanda looked up from what he was doing. However, the eyepatch idiot was now craning his neck backwards towards Kanda, glasses placed upon his nose.

Kanda squinted. "You're right. I didn't even see the pile of shit in front of me. Get the fuck out or I'll cut you, asshole." _That looks so stupid; he has a damn eyepatch._

With a glint of amusement in his eye, the idiot raised an eyebrow and removed the glasses. He smirked and tried putting the glasses on Kanda's face.

"You have about three-seconds to leave before I snap your neck," Kanda said plainly. There was a calm rage pooling inside, his knuckles turning white.

The eyepatch idiot laughed and pushed himself off of the counter. "When you're done eating, come over and help me paint my wall. Trust and believe, you'll never have to talk to me again after we finish. Well, except for paying me back but-"

"Out," Kanda seethed.

The other rubbed his neck and smiled, a bit nervous. "Later," he mumbled, finally taking his leave.

* * *

><p><em>I can't believe I'm actually knocking on his door. I must be drunk. Well, I'm not <em>that _drunk, but I _did _put away half a bottle. That's about the only fucking reason I'm outside this asshole's door. I mean if I didn't knock on his door he'd probably just harass me later. Well, maybe not. I bet he'd forget. I should actually just walk away now. My door is like... 3 steps away. He wouldn't even know. Except I already knocked... fuck. Why am I doing this? I mean, the knock would just be a rustling. His mistake. Well, no I bet if I left, he'd fucking bang on my door again. Then I'd have to shoo him away. This is the best choice: confront him head-on. Even if I don't feel like being around people. At all. I should get an award. Is this considered community service? But I'm drunk so it's whatever._

Kanda removed his hand from the door and sighed. _At least he has a decent body..._ Pure mortification showed on his face: eyes wide, mouth a bit agape. His entire thought process stopped as his rationale sunk. He couldn't believe he had just thought of that. It had to be the booze. Obviously there was no way he would ever think that sober.

The eyepatch was taking too long to answer the door, so Kanda stepped back with one leg. If this prick didn't answer within the next few seconds, Kanda was going to go AWOL.

As if Kanda's intent was known, the door opened. Before him stood the ginger eyepatch, simply dressed in a pair of black sweatpants and nothing else. A large cast was towelling his hair, spraying Kanda with water. Normally, this would warrant expletives laced with a few venomous threats. This time, however, Kanda found himself fretting over a different matter.

"No shit. I didn't actually think you we're going to come over," played the eyepatch.

Kanda pulled his gaze back to the ginger's face, scrutinising it. There was something off about it. "Didn't you only have one eye?"

The ginger laughed and pushed his hair back. "I'm fully equipped with two, I promise. But this eye," he pointed to the one that's usually not covered, "is intensely lazy and a bit blind. Come in." He moved aside.

Somehow the living room was messier than it was the other day, but it was organised in some unconventional way. Instead of bottles littering the floor, it was covered in stacks of paper. Amidst the papers were empty bags of potato chips and water bottles. The couch was occupied by manila folders and three-ringed binders. An opened laptop was atop the bookcase, a few papers spilling out from underneath it. Each bundle of papers had a different colour sticky note, some bundles had coffee stains, a few were adorned with a big red X. It looked as if the entrails of a bookstore were strewn about the room.

"Why the fuck does it look like a homeless man lives here?" Kanda snivelled.

"Hm?" Lavi craned his neck back, "Oh this?" and motioned with his arm as he entered his room. "It's work stuff; I work from here. Sorry about my organisational skills."

_Why does this little shit get to work from his flat? Goddammit I need a job like that. _Kanda crossed his arms and scowled, wondering why he allowed himself to be in this particular situation. In fact, he should probably just leave now and forget about this whole ordeal. He pushed his glasses in to a more secure position, decided they were dirty, then removed them.

Since he didn't have a cloth to clean them, his hoodie was going to have to suffice.

"So, what do you do since you obviously don't work from home?" asked the gratingly familiar voice. Kanda nearly snapped his glasses in half. The pinkish blur in the distance was affixing something to his head, traversing through the paper minefield towards the kitchen.

Pushing his glasses against his nose and clearing his throat, Kanda grumbled a response. "I work in fucking retail, so what, novelty shirt?" Honestly, the shirt the eyepatch was wearing was utterly ridiculous as it had "Just a Poe boy"written on it with a tacky picture of Edgar Allan Poe in shades. He gingerly manoeuvred his way towards the opposite side of the room instead of standing around awkwardly. It felt nearly impossible to not step on any of the papers covering the floor.

The Poe boy swung open the refrigerator door and somehow clutched his broken hand to his chest. "That really hurt, baby. How will I ever recover?" He appeared to roll his eye. Kanda had half a mind to throw a flip-flop at the circus freak, but restrained himself for once. "Want a drink? Beer? Wa-"

"Yes," Kanda said. He swore he wasn't an alcoholic; this was just a stressful situation. _Swear to god it better not taste like shit. Well, whatever, as long as I'm socialising… _He stared intently at the bottles the other was removing from the fridge. _IPA? Fucking great._

"Do you want a glass?" The eyepatch asked, placing the beers on the table. He walked towards a cabinet and opened it.

"I don't care," Kanda muttered, reaching almost from where he stood to grab one of the bottles. He twisted the cap off and grimaced. IPAs were possibly one of the most disgusting tasting beers on the planet until you choked down the first one and started the second. He sipped a few times, frowning the whole time. Anything to reduce the awkwardness of the situation, though.

A loud burp broke the silence. "Sorry," the ginger laughed nervously, clearly embarrassed by his lack of decorum. He pulled a chair back and sat down at his table, observing his half-empty bottle. Mild disgust surged through Kanda. "Pull up a chair," the other offered.

"'m good." Kanda took a few more sips from his bottle, then shuffled his feet. This night could hardly get any more awkward than it was.

"I remember retail," mused the eyepatch. He gulped another quarter of the bottle, then forcefully put it down. Leaning back, he placed his hands behind his head. Kanda couldn't help but notice his shirt rise bit. He quickly drowned any thoughts with alcohol. "There was once this guy that was totally trying to steal a pair of pants under his own pants. It was so ridiculous," he chuckled. "Calling him out about it in front of a bunch of customers was super awkward, too. Imagine being like, 'Sir, I need you to remove your pants,' in front a queue of people. A few old ladies dropped their shit right there and walked out."

Kanda smirked. Oh no, was he mildly amused by this? _Oh, ew, do I actually want to comment on this? _His grip on his bottle gradually became dangerous, so he stormed to the table and slammed it down. Instant regret pooled over his hand as the beer erupted from the bottle. "Oh fuck me." He chugged what he could to stop the overflow. The other was laughing and wiping down the table.

"No big deal," Lavi said.

To calm himself, Kanda sat in the chair opposite the ginger cyclops. "Fucking… this one goddamn guy today, sweet christ." He knocked back the rest of his drink, covered his mouth and tried his hardest to not burp. "He just fucking wouldn't shut up about a goddamn _vase_. We don't even _sell_ them!" He focused on the empty bottle, peeling the label off with his thumbnail. He was actually holding a conversation with someone, or what he considered to be a conversation. _Fuck this word vomit crap. God, why did I drink?_

_ "_I feel ya," Lavi sighed. He knocked back the last of his drink, as well. "My real issue, though, is my boss." He grimaced. "He's sub-letting me this joint since it's close to him and he can just come over whenever to grab all the hard copies; hence the massive shitstorm in the other room. He's real old fashioned that way. I even _email_ the geezer, but he still goes on about 'hard copies are the only real form of literature.'" Kanda didn't even have to look up to know that the eyepatch was flailing his arms and rolling his eyes. "What the fuck is that even supposed to _mean_, ya know?"

Kanda pulled his lips up slightly and snorted. His eyes widened and his face fell. Shit, he actually _was_ amused. The eyepatch took the small amount of mirth as an OK to continue ranting about whatever it was he was talking about.

Eventually, Kanda felt his mind spiralling away, all thoughts shutting down. _How long has his bastard been talking for? _He could feel his eyes glazing over as an utter lack of caring washed over him. The other's voice had become nothing but static. Before he completely fell away from reality, his silence was interrupted.

"Oh, hey, want another beer? And like my boss-"

Kanda snapped backwards — sharply inhaling — and almost fell out of his chair. He blinked a few times and adjusted his glasses. He discreetly wiped his mouth to make sure he hadn't drooled. The other gave him a quizzical look as he stood up. "Yes, do that. But you don't even know because my fucking hippie-dippie boss, let me tell you. This goddamn son of a bitch just fucking draws in a stupid sketch book all day!" _I don't fucking understand; who the fuck does that? You run a store, not a fucking art gallery. _A second bottle was placed in front of him, cap already removed. He drank deeply; his attempt to quell his suddenly boiling nerves. "He ain't no fucking Picasso or some shit, like damn."

Lavi chuckled, then plopped down on his chair. He put a glass down, then clutched a bottle to his chest with the broken arm, struggling to twist the cap off. Once he removed it, he poured the beer. A quiet moan escaped his mouth as he damn near drank the whole damn glass. His cheeks were beginning to get a tad rosy, his eyes already becoming glassy. He pushed his hair away from his bad eye, then rested his chin on his hands, blatantly staring at Kanda with a smile.

"Fucking what?" Kanda took a swig from his bottle, choosing to look away from the green eye that was surveying him.

"Is your name really Kanda? It's weird for a first name," commented the eyepatch.

_What the fuck kind of question….?_ "Uh, it's my last name and none of your fucking business, _Lavi," _Kanda spat. "Like that's any sort of normal name, fucker."

The ignorant eyepatch shrugged, unfazed."Hm, but what's your first name?" He leaned closer to Kanda, so in return, Kanda moved back.

"None. Of. Your. Business. Stupid. Eyepatch." He pressed the bottle to his lips and titled it back. _The fucking nerve._

"It's now my personal goal to have you tell me. Oh, and why don't you wear contacts? You have a pretty face." The eyepatch smirked and made a weird jerking motion with his eye, which Kanda assumed was a masterfully failed wink.

"Are you fucking flirting with me?" Kanda sputtered. _Oh god no please no this is _not_ happening right now. _He quickly looked out the window and started to chug his drink. He could hear the other one choke on his beer. _Good. I fucking hope you drown._

Laughter filled the room. "I'll only flirt with ya if you want me to, pretty boy."

This time, it was Kanda who choked on his drink, coughing uncontrollably. He was horrified. "Fucking asshole," he managed to say. Still, he couldn't bring himself to storm off as he usually would. _Fuck alcohol. Fuck this day. Fuck everything._ He was still coughing and covering his mouth with his arm. Tears ran down his face. Feeling the cool liquid on his skin caused him to realise he was sweating. _When the fuck did it get so goddamn hot? _The booze must've finally started to kick in completely since the heat was overwhelming.

His coughing fit subsided allowing him to remove his hoodie. He took off his glasses and placed them on the table, then wiped his face. He cleared his throat and put his glasses back on. "Uh, what?" He held the bottle to his mouth, glaring.

The ginger bitch was grinning, a look of triumph smeared all over his shitty face. "Yuu."

Kanda coughed, almost choking again. "Ex-fucking-cuse me?"

"Your name tag, my dear Yuu," enthused the douchecanoe, pointing at Kanda's chest.

"Oh shit. Fuck. God dammit." How could he not have realised that he wore his work shirt here? How did he not realise that his name tag was pinned to his shirt this _whole fucking time?_ Why didn't he take off his shirt earlier — like he normally would — and put something else on? Kanda nearly ripped his shirt trying to remove his name tag, swearing under his breath. "If you fucking ever call me by my first name, I will not hesitate to gut you like a fish." He shoved the defaming pice of plastic in to his pocket, smouldering with anger.

The ginger twat waggled his eyebrows, smirking with pure delight. He leaned back and reached for a cigarette from the box on the table. Kanda scrunched his eyebrows. Before the idiot could bring the cancer stick to his face, Kanda grabbed Lavi's hand. "No." He watched as panic came across the other's face, but his eye softened.

"You gonna stop me somehow, pretty boy?" _This conceited fucking asshole I swear to god I'm going to gouge his eye out in his sleep so help me. _He pulled his hand out from Kanda's and brought the cancer to his lips. After he lit it, he opened the window and exhaled outside.

Kanda crossed his arms and legs, leaned back in his chair and glowered. "Tch. Fine. Fucking suck that cancer dick, fag. I'll just leave so I don't have to slowly die, too."

"Don't be so melodramatic, Yuu." Lavi ashed the cigarette outside.

Unadulterated rage surged through Kanda's veins. "I fucking just said not to call me by my first name, you piece of shit. You know, why the fuck am I even here?" He stood up and realised that there was something important that they both seemed to have forgotten.

"Oh. Oh my god," the shitty pirate dropped the cigarette out the window and slammed his head on the table. "My fucking _wall_."

Kanda stared at the scorched wall, a sinking feeling emerging from within his gut. On the wall opposite him was a kitchen clock that only made the feeling worse. _I'm going to be fucking hungover in the morning and I have work. Perfection. _"You know what? Fuck it. I'm out. I have work." He turned towards the exit.

"But my wall…" whined the ginger. "You know you're going to have to come back to help me fix it, right?"

Without turning back, Kanda barked, "It's fucking not going to happen any time soon, shitty eyepatch. Don't you have friends for that?" He nearly forgot about the paper shrapnel cluttering the floor as he stepped in to the living room.

"Well, yeah, but you promised, and not fuckin' tomorrow since I'm busy but-"

Kanda stopped and faced Lavi, who was laying his head on the table and pouting. "I'm leaving now," Kanda declared. There was no protest from the other, just a grunt and a sigh. On his way out of the flat, he nearly tripped over a stack of books. "And fucking clean this shit up next time!" _Wait, next time? What the fuck? No, fuck that._

* * *

><p>The scent of clean linen and cat greeted Kanda when his face hit his pillow. He groaned. <em>Why? What was the point of literally any of that?<em> He groped for a place to put his glasses before he fell asleep. There was an abrupt "mrow" and weight was on his back. "Fucking shit, cat." He rolled over, forcing his cat to retreat. Coloured static filled the space between him and the ceiling. A wet nose pressed itself against his face and he pulled his cat closer, much to her dissatisfaction. "Don't fucking ask for my attention then be a bitch about it, Mugen." He sighed, closing his eyes, wanting to forget about the conversation earlier. _Pretty boy? Fuck him and his stupid pretty eye and pretty face. Wait, no._ He groaned again, furrowing his brow. The worst thing about all of this was the fact he was going to have to go back to this douche's flat at some point. Not wanting to think about the upcoming encounter, he rolled on to his side and cut off all trains of thought.

* * *

><p>AN:

_ごめんなさい orz  
><em>_lo siento  
>I'm super sorry this took so long to be released!<br>I had massive writer's block and was dealing with a bunch of papers for class. Not that that's any excuse. I hope you enjoyed the chapter, though. It's been a dickyear since I've written a chapter to this length for any fic._

_I hope to have the next chapter out sooner; I just lack someone with native english skills to edit XD However, it's already in the works :3_

_Side note: I mean no offense by the slur_


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